FOODGARBL Austin believes in staying in shape. For Caucasians, we recommend a high-intensity run through East Austin at night. If your shade is more khaki or Kahlua, then we recommend a brisk jog past the Rollingwood Police Station in a ski mask.
These should do the trick.
Don’t forget to load up on plenty of water and carbs before you head out. A good rule of thumb is one chocolate chip cookie for every mile you plan to run. As for water, FOODGARBL recommends you wear a Batman-style utility belt with lots of water bottles clipped to it like a thirst-fighting superhero dipshit. There are tens of thousands of water fountains in Austin, but they are hard to spot with $500 Ray-Ban Sports on like Lance.
Finally, don’t forget your fanny pack for keys, wallet, possum mace, D-cell flashlight, ankle weights, spare fuses and CVS coupons. Happy Trails!
