FOODGARBL: Austin – Boxing the Recession (in the face)

by tony on April 8, 2010

Can’t afford plates or silverware that doesn’t snap and scare you when you try to eat something slightly denser than a grape?  Well FOODGARBL: Austin is here to save the day once again!  It’s called a free lunch (in a f-ing box)!

Next time you’re hungry and you’re like “damn, I got no money because Erica spent it all up on Tang and air freshener,” come on by some Education Symposium thing at a big corporate campus somewhere.  Sure, there is supposed to be a registration fee, but there are several ways around that.  I suggest:

  • act confused until it gets annoying and obvoius that you’re no longer confused and they let you in
  • say you already paid and keep repeating this until it’s so annoying they let you in
  • just run past the registration table and see if they are too lazy to chase you down
  • tell the people at the registration table you are gay and here with the media.  and then when they’re like, “what?”, you be like, “I didn’t say gay.”
  • try to pay the registration fee with a tiny amount of foreign currency and then promise to get the rest from your Russian business partner in Houston or some shit
  • fake a seizure (this works for EVERYTHING/ANYTHING)

Once you get inside the symposium, it’s box lunches galore!  These little treasure chests are full of recession-proof gold, like sandwiches, chips, drank and fruit (I didn’t say gay).  Sometimes the sandwiches are soggy or smell weird, but that should remind you of something Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, soggy and weird-smelling.”

So, if you’re interested in getting the 4 main food groups in one meal (soggy bread, warm condiment, meat thing and fruity paste), consider attending a conference, symposium or board meeting.  The boxed lunch concept is like a tiny, caged buffet.  It’s a cute little hidden meal that stacks up nicely like bricks in a prison.

For regular FOODGARBL: Austin readers, let us know if you’ve ever had a good one.  We might publish your story on the site!  Until then, we leave you with this …

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to eat lunch out of a shoebox.”           – Mahatma Gandhi

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Gandhi April 9, 2010 at 11:29 am

Fruity paste has always been my personal fave!


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