FOODGARBL Austin is back!! (and other recessionary ridiculousness)

I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but here in Austin, we’ve had a bit of an 18 month economic hiccup.  It’s like we ate too much economic prosperity and then had some unemployment gurgle up from the stomach bank.  People keep calling it a recess-ion, but I’m not sure what it has to do with 15 minutes of playtime around mid-morning.  It’s more like a mid-afternoon bully pulling your non-farm payroll pants down and giving you a Turbo Tax titty twister.

Sure, it’s bad as hell in Austin, but I’ve heard it’s even worse in other places around the country.  We’re paying an extra $.15 for sauce at Taco Deli; people in Detroit are saving their bullets for opening soup cans.  We’re having to look for things on sale at Whole Foods; people in Cleveland are using Cavs jerseys for diapers.  We’re riding bikes to Alamo Drafthouse; people in Los Angeles are paying Avatar prices to see Back to the Future III.  I told you, it’s BAD (RIP Michael).

So, what do you do when the whole world starts eating Ramen and Fanta for breakfast??!  You wake up your FOODGARBL Austin editor, who Rip-Van-Winkled through some of the hardest restaurant industry times in the past 100 years!!  FUCK SALT!!

If you are still wealthy enough to afford Internet or smart phone access, stay tuned to FOODGARBL for fancy tips on how to survive what’s left of the recession (that Bush intentionally started and Obama refuses to finish).  This includes tips on eating cheap, digesting expired foods, using quintuple coupon deals on existing sale items, eating out in style when you already have more than $15k in credit card debt and stealing bread to feed your family!  I guarantee you, you won’t want to miss this invaluable information – while you can still make 51% or more of your monthly mortgage payment.

Happy Mid-stream Economic Recovery Eve everyone!

- FOODGARBL Austin Staff