My Uncle’s Garden

by sara on August 30, 2012

Growing up in Dallas, Texas, I didn’t know what gardens were.  Bananas, grapes and carrots all came from Tom Thumb and Tom got them from South America.  I could even sing the capital song of South American countries.  Caracas Venezuela Bogota Columbia Quito Ecuador Lima Peru La Paz Bolivia Asuncion Paraguay Montevideo Uruguay Chile Chile  LOL 2 CHILES!  I didn’t even know the difference between a cow and a bull or a chicken and a rooster.  Still don’t.  Which is why I am now obsessed with gardens and want to grow one in my back yard.  This is my uncle’s garden below.  He had tomatoes, cucumbers and garlic out the wazoo along with what seemed like 300 other magical veggies/herbs.

Thai and regular basil at your fingertips.  Can you imagine?

This flower is probably edible.  Heck, maybe it’s a dragonfruit.  Why did we learn about Napoleon and a bunch of dumb wars when we could have been learning about planting food and saving money and mortgages and how to lay down raps to dope beats on some ballin tracks?

Oh just some peppers growing, NBD.

There were rows upon rows of vegetables that I couldn’t even identify.  I felt equally amazed and retarded at the same time.  I couldn’t even point out the carrots 🙁

Here is my Uncle Butch (Ernie Jr), the master gardener on the left.  He’s going to turn 70 this year but doesn’t look a day over 29.

This is how cucumbers grow?!?!  I paid how much for a college degree?!?!?  If I could go outside and grab a fresh cucumber for salads, that would make me happier than a free lifetime supply of sour patch kids.

Here Evy poses with the compost bin.  The compost is where you put all the banana peels and other scrap food that will decompose and turn into fertilizer!  Yum!

Here my family poses in front of the hop plants – vigorous, climbing, herbaceous perennials usually trained to grow up strings.  Uncle Butch makes his own beer with the stuff!  I told them all to hop for the picture but instead they acted like they just saw Elvis.

The cabbages were my favorite.  I learned that you have to be crafty with your garden security b/c of the bunnies trying to freeload.  I remember my grandmother always trying to come up with ways to keep the rabbits out of her garden.  One time she gave me a haircut and used my hair to scare them away.  I think they were more afraid of my bangs than anything.  Another time she let us pour fox urine everywhere.  That reminds me of this time in college…nevermind.

He even had concord grapes!

Can someone please explain to me why people squish these with their bare feet and what happens to the end result?  Actually, don’t tell me.

Yes, my friends, that there is a kohlrabi.  The kohlrabi is very similar to broccoli and cabbage but milder and sweeter.  I’ve never had it but it is now on my vegetable bucket list.

Here are Uncle Butch and Grams being adorable.  Also, please notice the basketball hoop.  I probably shot no less than 10,000 hoops in that basket growing up when I visited my cuzzins.  I thought about going pro but my lucrative career in marketing coordination and K-1 preparation took off and I’ve never looked back.

Uncle Butch grows so much garlic that he has it hanging all over his back porch.  It also helps to ward off evil spirits like TEXANS WHO VOTE REPUBLICAN.  Or so he tells us.  (PS – my dad likes to get a rise out of his siblings by bringing up George Bush and Republicans any chance he gets and one night I thought we were going to have WWIII but luckily my aunt saw what was happening and said “So guess who died?” and everyone stopped to listen).

Does anyone know how to grow anything in Texas?  Will you teach me?


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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Janice September 7, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Wow this is quite an impressive garden. Mad props to your uncle for being so baller. Peter Rabbit!


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