There is a hill near our house that draws cyclists and runners from all over to attempt the grueling steep climb as part of their training.  It is no easy feat.  I’ve run a half marathon but when I tried to run up this hill for the first time I had to stop and give myself CPR.  To make matters worse, when you get to the part of the hill where bikers must shift to their lowest gear and runners must utilize every single ounce of energy in their body to keep going, there is Mr. Rick Hittle smiling at you from his billboard.

You think it’s funny Rick?  I don’t see your punk ass out there.  I’m kidding, I love the Hittle.  I love him so much I named the hill after him.  I give you, “the Hittle”:

I am proud to say that I have successfully dominated The Hittle on multiple occasions as part of my hill training.  Until today, however, I never did it with such vigor and determination to say IN YO FACE HITTLE.  I couldn’t have done it without my trusty sidekicks, Enzo and Riley.  And you’re not gonna believe this but the paparazzi was everywhere and captured the whole thing!

Here we come!  Even the cyclists couldn’t keep up with me.

Thinking about The Hittle trying to slow me down.  Wasn’t having it.

Not gonna lie, I was looking for Heidi and Spencer the whole time.

We’re not done yet mutts!  See that sign?  That’s Rick Hittle telling me I can’t do it.

Oh hey Rick.  Just wanted to say hi on my WAY TO THE TOP.  Nerdlet.

I want everyone to pick that scary route in your neighborhood and go out and dominate it.  You can call it The Hittle if you want but let’s be honest here, there’s only one Hittle.  And the best part of this whole story is that Jason actually called him (marketing works!) and he saved him a ton of money on car/renters insurance!!  Hittle FTW!

Riley Bears was wore out.  She’s happy we saved a bunch of money on our car insurance though.

I asked them if they wanted to go again.  “Say what?”

Riley’s cool down trot straight to the paparazzi.

The Hittle x2?  Maybe next time, Rick.  For now, thank you for the challenge.  And seriously, thank you for saving us a bunch of money.

After the run the paparazzi and I headed to the pool to cool down.  In the words of Ice Cube, gotta say it was a good day.

I just witnessed an apartment couple breakup so I’m a little emotional.  It was kind of sad because it was obvious the guy wanted to peel out for dramatic effect after the girl slammed the car door but he was in an awkward spot on the street so he had to settle for a 4 point turn.  Breakup FAIL.  When Jason and I fight at least we throw things that shatter.  Anyways, we were on our warm-up walk to the community gym to get swolled when all this action occurred.  We’ve been running a bunch lately but we both decided we wanted to incorporate weights into the workout routine.  I’ve never been one to go to the gym to work out and tonight reminded me why I don’t like to go.  It smelled like cat pee, there was a schizo singing to herself on the treadmill and we had to wait on Crackerjack and Rockstar to stop staring at themselves in the mirror so they would get off the machine.  Oh and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing.  I probably would like it a lot more if I had a trainer to SHOW ME what to do and when to stop.  But I don’t so now I’m sore.  Hey at least I pretended to know what I was doing.

If Tony Little and Chuck Norris had a baby...

Beats the self defense class going on upstairs. Miss Congeniality already taught me how to PWN a n00b: S.I.N.G. Solar Plexus, Instep, Nose, Groin!

Plank pose crooked back hold. I invented this move.

Um, sorry, he's taken. Unless he pulls a Ronnie and beats up a drunk guy on the Boardwalk. Then he's yours. Roid rage!

Like most days, I woke up this morning thinking about lunch.  I wanted to get to work and bust my butt to get things done so I could go out for something amazing.  You ready for the wrench in that plan?  One of my teammates, recently promoted to manager, kind of a big deal, was being all needy and wanted someone to take him to birthday lunch.  Can’t these people just be happy with what their wife packs in their lunch pail?  We wanted him to have his special day though so we told him to pick where he wanted to eat.  Anywhere is fine with us!  This is going to be awesome!  Birthday lunch somewhere amazing!  So we go to Chipotle.  WTF?

Choked down about half of this. As Lil Wayne would say, "I'm ill."

Punishment for making me eat Chipotle? Your picture on the interwebz holding a girl's purse. GOTEM.

Needless to say, lunch didn’t hit the spot for me.  I wanted a fun dinner so we decided to do breakfast.  Feeling the sudden urge to go green, I stopped by Tom Thumb on the way home and picked up some tomatillos, green pepper and celery.  Whipped up some tomatillo salsa by boiling the tomatillos for five minutes then throwing their crazy ass in the Vitamix with some agave nectar and Sriracha sauce.  Chopped up the green pepper and threw it in with the huevos.  Celery was used for bumps on a log minus the bumps.  Then of course we had to have our dose of Kodiak pancakes.

A do the crunchy crunch

Tomatillo salsa blendage. Rockage your faceage.

In a perfect world, this egg mixture would have set and I would have flipped it over to form the perfect omelette.

But alas we had to settle for scrambled eggs b/c I tarded. Had a side of orange stolen from work (Hi boss!), celery with maple peanut butter and pancakes with agave nectar. Got my drank on with a green tea latte with almond milk. HI-YAH.

Kodiak cakes. Whole wheat pancakes so good you slap yo mama.

Never one to leave a store with only the items I need, I kind of fell for a couple impulse buys.  I haven’t tried Amy’s pizza but their frozen meals are heaven as far as microwave dinners go.  I especially like their Indian meals and they use mostly organic ingredients.

$3.50 for an organiz pizza from Amy's. OMG BRB!

Dessert dilemma

Yeah I already had pancakes but I’m a professional eater and I still wanted something after our huge intense post emotional breakup workout.  My options?  Skinny cow ice cream sandwich or a honeycrisp apple.  I’m tempted to leave you hanging and not tell you what I picked until tomorrow but I can’t do that to my loyal readers.  All two of you.  I picked the apple.  LOUD APPLAUSE!  I might have the ice cream sandwich for breakfast though.

2:45am!  Getting awfully close to my bedtime!  We didn’t watch the 2 hr Jersey Shore special tonight (DO NOT tell me what happened to Snickers) so I can’t wait to get home tomorrow and have a watch party.  Also have to take down all the Christmas decorations.  Boo   Enzo peed all over our light up Christmas displays so I have to hurry up and put those on Craigslist too.  Kbye!

FOODGARBL Austin believes in staying in shape.  For Caucasians, we recommend a high-intensity run through East Austin at night.  If your shade is more khaki or Kahlua, then we recommend a brisk jog past the Rollingwood Police Station in a ski mask.

These should do the trick.

Don’t forget to load up on plenty of water and carbs before you head out.  A good rule of thumb is one chocolate chip cookie for every mile you plan to run.  As for water, FOODGARBL recommends you wear a Batman-style utility belt with lots of water bottles clipped to it like a thirst-fighting superhero dipshit.  There are tens of thousands of water fountains in Austin, but they are hard to spot with $500 Ray-Ban Sports on like Lance.

Finally, don’t forget your fanny pack for keys, wallet, possum mace, D-cell flashlight, ankle weights, spare fuses and CVS coupons.  Happy Trails!