Everybody’s got ‘em – your neighborhood Italian restaurant run by a family transplanted from New York.  Ours is called Fino’s.  Fino’s is the type of place where I expect the fat Italian chef to come out of the kitchen and kiss me on both cheeks and ask if my grandmother found her pants and why I haven’t been by in so long.  It’s the type of place where if I don’t see something on the menu or I’m feeling a little cwazy I can say “Hey Angelo, how bout you whip me up some pasta and veggies eh?!”  To which Angelo replies, “Anything for you!  Que Sara Sara!”  And he kisses me on both cheeks again.  Sure, it’s awkward but he’s Italian so it’s okay.

My experience at Fino’s went nothing like this.  We walk up to the door and there are a few couples enjoying their dinner on the makeshift patio.  One couple even had their adorable black Labrador with them.  It’s 110 degrees out and it’s an Italian restaurant but okay, I like dogs toos.  Jason glanced at the specials written on a stand when we walked in but he said they “didn’t look like English” so he got scared and kept walking.  I know, words are scary.

No one seated us or even made an attempt to acknowledge our presence so we sat ourselves at an open table.  We sat there for about five minutes before someone brought us menus and asked for our drink order.  About 15 minutes later a waitress came to take our order.  I wasn’t 100% sold on anything from the menu so I asked what the specials were to make sure I wasn’t missing something.  She said, “oh shoot, um, hang on,” then walked away.  We never talked to her again.  About 8 minutes later a waiter came by and said, “you want to know about the specials?”  He rattled off some Italian jibberish none of which I could repeat again so I went with the lobster ravioli.  Jason ordered the fettuccine con pollo and we asked if we could split a salad.

The salad was $4.99 and was supposed to include pears, gorgonzola cheese and pine nuts drizzled in a balsamic glaze.  There were no pine nuts.  We paid for pine nuts!  The lobster ravioli was pretty good.  Then again, so are most things that are drenched in butter sauce.  Jason liked his chicken fettuccine which also happened to be drenched in butter sauce.  The reviews for this place on Yelp raved about their baked rolls.  I’m here to tell you they are nothing to rave about.  Bring it Yelpers!  Foodgarbl vs. Yelp LET’S DO THIS.

Most people brought their own wine to dinner which for some reason is a perk.  The perk was that we got to listen to the drunk couple next to us rant about their kid not being respected by his coach on his select soccer team.  Do you know what they pay for Timmy to play on that team?  He deserves more respect.  They’re changing teams and there’s nothing Coach Rob can do about it.

If you have two hours to kick around for dinner and you want spotty service and you’re okay with Uncle Angelo hiding in the kitchen, give Fino’s a try.  Otherwise, there’s a Sbarro at the mall and it’s a lot faster.

Meet Riley.  Riley likes to lay on the rug.

Meet Enzo.  Enzo doesn’t like Riley laying on his rug.

Watch as Enzo politely asks Riley to move away from his rug.

Enzo thinks Riley might be hard of hearing so he gets closer to her face to make sure she listens.

With Riley’s full attention, he kindly motions for her to move.

Enzo sees Riley struggling so he helps her get up.

Now that’s taken care of and he can lay down on his rug.

And everyone’s happy.

The end.

There was a hot dog spot on Lower Greenville a few years ago called Big D’s Dogs.

They had a thai chili lime dog (among other crazy inventions) that was redonkulous.  They had cake batter shakes, Dublin Dr. Pepper floats and Italian sodas.  Jerry Stackhouse ate there.  They didn’t make it   WHY DALLAS, WHY?  I’ve been on the hunt for a good hot dog place ever since.  If you are a member at Costco and you have cash on you, the $1.50 you have to fork over for one of their dogs and a drink isn’t a bad deal.  But if you’re looking for something a little more upscale, head over to Everyone’s Frank at Coit/Park in Plano.

While they aren’t eclectic and off the wall like Big D’s Dogs, they do have gourmet hot dogs and sausage and the staff knows their wieners.  I rolled with the sweet red pepper and basil chicken dog topped with sport peppers, sweet relish and Frank’s hot sauce.  It had a simple, nice kick to it and the chicken was flavored quite nicely.  I liked that they offered wheat buns because you know how I get about my buns.  Side of sweet potato fries was just aight.  They were seasoned with salt and pepper like normal fries but sometimes I just want my taters plain.

My personal trainer/computer whisperer/hot date ordered two hot dogs because he is a champion.  Behold the bratwurst and the plain hot dog with onion rings:

I thought the bratwurst would be bigger.  That’s what she said.

The verdict?  They were good and he would go again. So, we weren’t blown away by Everyone’s Frank since we can go to Whole Foods and buy a whole package of organic chicken sausage and make them ourselves.  But it’s nice to know there’s an option in town in case we don’t feel like driving to Whole Foods.

Note to Frank: Simplify your menu.  I sat there like an Arabian Rock Ape going “derrrrrr” for five minutes before I narrowed down what I wanted on my dog.  Also, Frank, salad dressings?

I’m happy to report that our cycling training is right on target.  We busted out 50 miles yesterday and although I can’t feel my legs today, we’re confident that we’re ready for Shammies ‘n Koozies.

BONUS UPDATE: The interstate Kleenex gang has now teamed up with the Pants gang (west side!) and they are going strong.  Do not lose eye contact with your Kleenex or you bet your a$$ they’ll go missing too.

There is a hill near our house that draws cyclists and runners from all over to attempt the grueling steep climb as part of their training.  It is no easy feat.  I’ve run a half marathon but when I tried to run up this hill for the first time I had to stop and give myself CPR.  To make matters worse, when you get to the part of the hill where bikers must shift to their lowest gear and runners must utilize every single ounce of energy in their body to keep going, there is Mr. Rick Hittle smiling at you from his billboard.

You think it’s funny Rick?  I don’t see your punk ass out there.  I’m kidding, I love the Hittle.  I love him so much I named the hill after him.  I give you, “the Hittle”:

I am proud to say that I have successfully dominated The Hittle on multiple occasions as part of my hill training.  Until today, however, I never did it with such vigor and determination to say IN YO FACE HITTLE.  I couldn’t have done it without my trusty sidekicks, Enzo and Riley.  And you’re not gonna believe this but the paparazzi was everywhere and captured the whole thing!

Here we come!  Even the cyclists couldn’t keep up with me.

Thinking about The Hittle trying to slow me down.  Wasn’t having it.

Not gonna lie, I was looking for Heidi and Spencer the whole time.

We’re not done yet mutts!  See that sign?  That’s Rick Hittle telling me I can’t do it.

Oh hey Rick.  Just wanted to say hi on my WAY TO THE TOP.  Nerdlet.

I want everyone to pick that scary route in your neighborhood and go out and dominate it.  You can call it The Hittle if you want but let’s be honest here, there’s only one Hittle.  And the best part of this whole story is that Jason actually called him (marketing works!) and he saved him a ton of money on car/renters insurance!!  Hittle FTW!

Riley Bears was wore out.  She’s happy we saved a bunch of money on our car insurance though.

I asked them if they wanted to go again.  “Say what?”

Riley’s cool down trot straight to the paparazzi.

The Hittle x2?  Maybe next time, Rick.  For now, thank you for the challenge.  And seriously, thank you for saving us a bunch of money.

After the run the paparazzi and I headed to the pool to cool down.  In the words of Ice Cube, gotta say it was a good day.

Today the lunch crew called for Chuy’s.  Instead of stuffing myself silly with chips, I took evasive action and ditched the crew in order to try a new joint in Snider Plaza, Dive Dallas: Coastal Cuisine.

It's a Dive alright.

The website looked so promising.  The decor on the inside looked so promising.

West Elm Show Room

The overly excited and bubbly girl that took my order even seemed promising.

Corporate Accounts Payable Nina speaking! Just a moment!

Really up until I tasted the food did I realize that I just wasted $17.86 on one of the worst meals I’ve had in a long time.  Including my own cooking.  I went for the ahi tuna wrap, white bean hummus and an Oogave grapefruit drink.

Floating cucumbers are the new parsley.

Pureed garlic, aka white bean hummus

Pile of crack. Ers.

The hummus was about 80% garlic and 20% parsley garnish.  I wanna know where da white beans at!  The only good part of the meal was that the hummus was served with pita slices AND cracker pieces.  In case you don’t want toast.  Just wish I had something delicious to dip them in (hummus FAIL).

If you can't stomach the look of it you prolly can't stomach the taste of it.

The wrap came with a dipping sauce(?) that had a cucumber slice in it (on purpose?) and smelled like the alley behind the fish sauce factory.  The tuna was overcooked and brown and the wrap altogether tasted like grandma accidentally used leftover tuna in the meatloaf wraps.

It's okay I wasn't hungry and money's not important during a recession anyways.

Ooooh! Gave! Fancy bottle of nuttin.

My Oogave drink promised me delicious nutrients in the form of purified carbonated water, organic agave nectar, grapefruit extract, citric acid and natural flavors.  The ingredient list did not include “tasty.”  Even with agave nectar as the sugar component it was too sweet for my liking.  I’ll take a fake aspartame Fresca anyday.

Despite my gross lunch, my day was AMAZING.  Wanna know why?  Ferkin lazycake that’s why.

We made pizza the other night!  It was a spur of the moment decision because we had leftover flatbread and fresh mozzarella.  Behold the greatness:

Top Chef Masters if you will. And I will.

This has tomato paste base with roasted red peppers, sundried tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, artichoke hearts, oregano, cilantro and red pepper flakes.  I threw mine in the oven at 350 for about 20 minutes and it turned out amazing.  Jason grilled his.  “What?” Our loyal Foodgarbl reader, Huzy, writes.  “On the grill?”  Funny you ask.  Here are Jason’s instructions, verbatim:

Shiz was the shiz yo. fo srlsy.

1) Turn all burners on full blast
2) Slice fresh cheese into cheese disks (important to maintain aerodynamics)
3) Rub olive oil on both sides of the flat bread
4) Smear on thin layer of tomato paste
1) Sprinkle on a little bit of minced garlic (optional if you are trying to impress your wife)
3) Lay out cheese disks ftw
2) Stack on turkey bacon crumbles, chopped roasted red pepper, and artichoke hearts
Pinch of salt for good luck
$) Check grill in mouf, make sure diamonds are flossin. check grill on porch, make sure temp is 450-500
6) Turn burners to low
5) Put on pizza and close lid
!) After 2 minutes check the flatbread, mine needed another min
4) Once the flatbread is crispy with a nice char on the outside turn off the gas
2) If your cheese isn’t melted enough just leave it in the grill with the lid down until it melts more
2) After you finish the pizza, eat a piece of apple pie and a carton of ice cream. like a boss.

Voila!  Grilled pizza!  Now go make your own pizzas and then comment to tell us how they turned out.  Stay flossin, my friends!

Some weekends you crave Asian food and you’ll ride 4 laps around White Rock just to get it.  That’s precisely what we did last weekend.  Saturday we had a hankering for some Korean Seoul food so we went with my dad to Seoul Garden off of Royal/Stemmons.

Garden of Eatin. AEO!

J Man's first Korean experience! He is super excite.

I’m really embarrassed to say that I ordered the salmon teriyaki.  I panicked and in a moment of weakness I picked the first thing that I could pronounce.  Mega fail.  It would be like going to Mi Cocina and getting a burger.  Luckily, we started off with some yeehaw appetizers:

There was nothing sticky about these pots.

Korean pizza. Could have/should have eaten 12 of these. SO GOOD.

Jason ordered the bulgogi (Korean BBQ beef) and it was ferkin amazing:

Rocky and Bulgogi

My dad ordered squid surprise which was equally as baller:

Korean spaghetti and meatballs

All meals come with Korean sides Luby’s style.  Tofu and kimchi were the only things I recognized:

Yum! What is it?

Yum! What is it?

Hey tofu, I know you!

All together now!

The waitress was awesome and the food was awesome and I highly recommend it for Korean food rookies/fans.

On Sunday we wanted to hit up White Rock for a 40 miler.  However, we knew we couldn’t do it without a bahn mi thit for energy.  So we booked it over to Lee’s Sandwiches in Garland.  One of the best decisions of our lives.  Since we had the custom blinged out bikes with us, we had to go through the drive-thru.

Approaching the sandwich kingdom

omg the anticipation

one of each! no wait #4 and #8 and a smoothie. or one of each!

They have all kinds of sandwiches (check their menu) and all looked tempting but we opted to try the #8 shredded pork, #14 pork roll with pate and #18 cured pork with pate.  The sandwiches are only $2.99!!  And check out these beauties:

Cured pork stocked full of fresh veg. OMNOM.

Pork roll with fresh cilantro, jalapenos, carrots, etc.

Washed down with an iced coffee and a honey chrysanthemum iced tea:

Iced coffee nicely paired with pork roll.

Needed more chrysanthemum flava but refreshing nonetheless.

They threw in a free loaf of French bread too!  Probably because it was a day old but still!

I like things that are free.

And they label their sandwiches!

No, that's Susie's. She had the cha lua pate.

And they have rides out front!

I'm almost 30!

Three sandwiches and two specialty drinks for $14.52.  Not too shabby in my book.  We’ll definitely be back and next time we might have a french bread fencing lesson in the parking lot.

To the lake!  It was windier than Keanu Reeves in a wind storm on Sunday so the ride was more difficult than planned.  However, I did get some free advice!

Seriously, I didn't have to pay a dime.

For the past 15 years two gentlemen dish out free advice to anyone who wants it every Sunday.  We made a stop on our bikes to take advantage of this surprising service and the guy told me to get a life.  I said you ugly anyway.  Totally joking!  They were extremely nice guys and we talked about morals, movies and my career path.  Two police officers and another young rider joined us in our nearly 20 minute discussion.  Roderick, the main advice giver, even loaned us a movie – Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.  I know what you’re thinking – random dudes giving out free advice, bottled water and DVD’s?  Awkward!  But these guys will listen to anything you have to say and ask you questions in return until you come up with your own conclusion.  They were tricky like that.  So next week I’m opening up a restaurant in a silo!  Free advice = genius.

We managed to squeak out 4.5 laps around the lake for a total of 42 miles.  We also drank nearly 3 gallons of water but kind of forgot to replenish our calorie stock so we cramped up real bad like.  Luckily we packed some pb&j sammies which took care of the problem.  Our 65 mile ride is coming up in a few weeks so we’re trying to get our mileage up and learn when to snack and how much to snack to keep our bodies happy.  I hope they have Vietnamese sandwiches at the rest stops in Wimberley!

We used to go to a Thai restaurant off of Northwest Highway when I was a kid.  The owner loved us and would cook anything we wanted.  We loved her back.  The only problem was that her English wasn’t all that great and one of her favorites things to say when she didn’t understand was “lelle?” (“really?”)  So my dad asked her one day who was gonna win the World Series and she said “Lelle?” and my dad replied, “No they won last year.”  It is fond memories such as this one that makes me truly appreciate finding restaurant gems.

International Bakery Cuban Dulceria may not quite fit the role of a gem but it is definitely worth a trip.

They call me Ninja for my catlike photo skills.

IBCD is owned by two very sweet sisters who took the time to explain every menu item to us.  Go there for their Cuban sandwiches:

Roasted pork, ham, swiss cheese, pickle and awesome juice on store made egg bread.

Go there for the plantain chips:

Like Fritos only more like bananas really.

Ooops I ardy ated it.

Go there for their crazy a$$ collection of sodas:

No aspartame in Cuba!

I seriously got stronger with Iron Beer. Don't mess with me.

Go there for their free red, white and blue lunch pails with $20 purchase the week of July 4th:

You can put your snackiepoos in there!

Go there for their extensive collection of Cuban art:

Those didn't come from Microsoft Paint

Go there for their pastries:

upscale Ding Dongs

Sweet!

Go there for the hot guys hanging out eating plantain chips:

Wow your shirt looks so crisp who does your laundry?

But most of all, go there for the memories you will make.  Where else in Dallas can you kick back and down a delicious Cuban sandwich, incredible plantain chips and a throwback Iron Beer for under $8?  You’re welcome.

I’ll get to the criminal activity later but I need to alert all Foodgarbl readers (Up to 4 now!  Thanks mom!) to my latest obsession: LOX.  I stopped at Einstein Bagels on my way to work this morning because anything that prevents me from getting to work early makes me happy.  I didn’t want the usual sugary bagel with cream cheese or those retarded poppers so I decided to surprise the ol’ boyfriend and myself with a whole wheat bagel with lox, capers and plain cream cheese.  SHUT UP it was good.  I dropped the surprise off at boyfriend’s place of work and received the following email: “Thank you for my breakfast surprise!! that was ferking bamf and perfect timing because I was out of cereal this morning. You are best girlfriend ever ”  So sweet.  Here’s the iphone shot in between freezing up and apps crashing:

Got It on Lox Down

Let’s get to lunch.  Great American Hero.  Lamegarbl.  Let’s get to post work run.  5 mile hilly route.  It’s hotter than Keanu Reeves on a motorcycle outside but I felt great thanks to the great mix of my favorite rap songs going.  It’s hard to stay so fresh, like I do.  Since I waited for it to cool down a bit, I didn’t get home from my run until 9pm.  And we had a minor problem with clean dishes:

I'm in dishwasher timeout

We bought a huge bottle of dishwashing soap at Costco but it was not for the dishwasher.  I didn’t put it in the cart but I did put it in the dishwasher so I took the blame.  But back to dinner.  The food options around here for late night are bleak so we ended up going to…Raising Cane’s.

Well, so much for my run.  My organs are failing, my heart is clogged and I might need to use my foam roller to soothe my cankles.  If you know me at all you know I hate fast food.  I don’t eat it.  Ever.  The smell makes me cringe.  The sight of the food makes me question my contacts prescription.  Raising Cane’s has a feel good story about the owner having an idea for a chicken finger chain that got shot down in his college class.  He ended up saving up enough money to open the first location and it became a hit.  I don’t know why.  I wish people would realize this food is the reason why we are lagging behind every other country with the exception of eating contests.  Bad example.  Kobayashi for President.  Here’s the slop:

The ketchup comes from tomatoes which are a fruit which are healthy.

I will not be back.  I miss my vegetables.  I just want a healthy fast food chain to open.  Is that too much to ask?  Do I have to do it myself?  Fine.  Any investors out there?

You are now entering The Colony! There is a reason cows run into the street here.

The Colony, TX.  7:45am.  Some random stupid park on Lake Lewisville.  I say “park” loosely.  What is a park anyway?  Besides krap spelled backwards?  I digress, back to stupid park.  We are there to register for the Liberty 10k with only moments to spare before the start of the race.  They ask for a $25 check written out to the Knights of Columbus.  Great, we have starving children living on the streets and we’re supporting England.  Next stop is to line up on the mud soaked grass to cheer on the little geebers finishing the 1 mile fun run.  Yay they’re done.  Now get out of here and let the professionals do their thing.  The 5k and 10k runs start together so everyone leap frogs over each other to get a good starting position.  This is not the Boston Marathon people, calm down.  The 300lb dude next to me starts doing arm stretches so close to my face that I fear he is going to blind me.  Finally the air horn goes off (side note: I love air horns and think everyone should own them instead of guns) and we start trotting.  Once the 10k runners and 5k runners/walkers split off, we were finally able to gain some momentum.  Now I’ll be honest, I did see something about a trail on the Liberty 10k’s website describing the route.  However, I had no idea almost the entire 10k would be run on a gravel path not even overlooking Lake Lewisville.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Dallas area, we’ve had quite a bit of rain in the last few days.  The gravel path was dirty, filthy, nasty and stupid uncomfortable.  It gets better.  It was nearly 100% humidity and the first water stop was at the 2.5 mile marker.  We’re thinking ok that’s great they’ll have water every couple of miles.  No.  That was it.  So Jason and I run along this boring, never-ending, useless trail having roughly 3 heart attacks each from exhaustion and the lack of water.  We were Positive Polly and Optimistic Oliver cussing the city of the Colony the entire run.  We also stopped to walk about 5 times.  A 10k we should have easily knocked out took us just under an hour for an average pace of 9:45.  Thanks, KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS.  AND M NIGHT SHAMALAN.  Even the onlookers who usually yell words of encouragement just stared at us like we had just run over their dog.  It was like they had never seen an organized sport before.  They still haven’t because there was nothing organized about it.  After we were done with the race we tried to yell upbeat motivational phrases to the runners still trickling in (“You’re almost done!  At least you don’t live here!  Oh you do?  Sorry!”) and this one wildebeast (we’ll call her “Roger”) made a gigantic spitting sound from the back of her throat to acknowledge us.  Keep it classy, the Colony.  Hey, at least we got a cool shirt with an eagle on it?

Post race swag. At least I can wear the shirt to the White Trash Party at Zen. Enzo likes it.

Thankfully, Jason took me to Norma’s Cafe to celebrate our epic fail run.

Special was fried chicken and waffles. Noticed this midway through meal. That information WOULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL YESTERDAY

Texas flag booths! Independence from Russia! Or is that in March?

Happy Days Set

He even let me order a cinnamon roll.  And then made me pay for it.  I got their veggie omelet and J-Dogg got the chicken fried steak (they’re famous for it!).

For a $1.99 ain't bad.

How you like yo steak?!?! Fried please. Con Pollo.

Got my veggies for the day. As my dad would say, "nice job Splatt."

Kind of Limp Bizkits

The veggie omelet was baller.  Tomatoes, onions and green pepper mixed with two kinds of cheese served with hash browns and whole wheat toast.  Jason loved the chicken fried steak but said the biscuits were not as good as Little Gus Cafe.  There are two things my family was known for growing up: going out for breakfast on the weekends and watching Cops.  Luckily, I have trained Jason to do both.

Important Update: My iMac died last week at 2.5 yrs old and is currently at the Apple store awaiting its destiny.  New motherboard?  Maybe.  New cable?  Possibly.  Just buy a laptop and get it over with?  OKAY!

I’m off to Whole Foods to buy essential ingredients for a Kaboomtown picnic.  Hopefully the rain will go away so Addison will shoot firework ver nice how much!  Happy 4th  America!  You’re the best!  Except The Colony, you are a dumb trumpet.